Please Excuse Me While I Whine...

Consider that your warning....you may want to turn away now.

I have a lot of good things going for me in my life and some days (weekends/nights) I see that. I have a wonderful husband. Let me say that again.... A WONDERFUL husband. He understands when I'm stressed...he cooks breakfast on the weekends...he never pours himself a cup of coffee without pouring mine as well...he supports me...he does laundry (while sometimes drying my "lay flat to dry" clothing, but eh - mistakes sometimes happen!)....he loves (for the most part!) doing projects around the house with me...I say I want to build something and he designs it...and builds it....he tolerates my incessant need to "improve things"....he opens my car door when we go out to dinner...he writes me messages on the lunch he packed for me while he was packing his own....he holds my hand at the table at dinner....he goes to get me "fill in the blank" when I give him puppydog eyes....and on, and on, and on...

I also have a great "first" house and a sweet snuggly kitty cat. I have a nice car to drive and we have the ability to take yearly vacations. I have a job. My husband has a job...a "good" job. And we're happily married (the first year is the hardest?! hogwash!!).

So yeah, I know I have a lot of things to be thankful for, but all of that just gets buried in my everyday life. I want ME time...US time. Every week we look forward to the weekend...and then the next weekend and then the next holiday and then the next vacation....and before I know it years have passed by. I feel like I'm wasting my life. I sit at a desk everyday and work my ass off...stress out, harbor anxiety and what do I get for it? A fat ass paycheck? No. A sense of accomplishment? Not really. ...cause it's the same thing every month and it's not like I even get to see my hard work enacted. Appreciation? Hell No. I rarely ever, EVER get "Thank You's"-- instead I get complaints about how things could be better...little nit-picky things. I get emails unread, requests not met, questions unanswered and just a whole helluva lot of frustration.

I have this very aggravating habit to always do my best. I put a lot of pressure on myself to do a good job at whatever it is I'm doing. And to be quite honest, I'M getting sick and tired of trying. It always seems like the person that works the hardest and complains the least always gets the shit end of the stick. Shouldn't they be rewarded? Or at the very least appreciated? But, no...they get extra work and no extra pay.  I don't know, maybe that's just some crazy notion I have of work and of being a good employee. Or maybe I need a new career.

Why is it that we're expected to spend nearly 72% of our year working? that leaves us with only 28% of our own time doing what we actually WANT to do. That's insane!! I don't want to be forced to live my life by someone else's rules for the majority of my life (cause technically, we're SUPPOSE to be able to retire someday - right?!). I've gotta figure this out...maybe I need a new plan. Always playing by the rules and following the norm isn't always the right thing to do. I want to live at the beach...in warm weather and I want to make my OWN schedule and play by my OWN rules. I want to be able to wake up in the morning when I want to...and go workout, have breakfast on my screened-in porch and THEN go to work. If I want to go see a show and have a few drinks on a weeknight I want to be able to do that without worrying about having to wake up and go to work in the morning. I'm nearly 5 years in to this "routine" and I'm so over it.